How To Get What You Want: Part I

How to Separate the Wants from the Needs

What do you need in life?

It sounds like an existential question, but I actually mean it literally. What do you need right now in order to live?

Everyday I hear people speak hyperbolically. “I need my apple watch to track my workout.” Or “I need some time off in order to relax.” Or even, “I need a private office since I take so many calls.”

But are those truly needs? Or are they just wants?

I talk a lot about how to achieve the things we want most in life. I have spoken about getting comfortable with your worst case scenario, starting your journey with the destination in mind, and how to create an effective to-do list, but I have yet to cover how to suss out your needs from your wants, which is arguably the most important step.

Needs are non-negotiable. You will be miserable without them. At a very base, physical level, your needs are oxygen, food, water, and sleep. As you climb Maslov’s hierarchy those needs become more and more abstract, but they are still considered needs. A need is anything that you might require in order to live a happy and fulfilled life. A want is just icing on the cake.

It is important to note that needs can change over time, or in different situations. I often use swimming as an example. If someone challenges me to swim two miles, my ego and my competitive nature will drive my want to do it. I want to prove to my challenger that I am capable. I will jump right into the pool and start swimming. Buf if I get tired, or suffer a cramp, or if the challenge is rescinded, it would be very easy to quit. I could climb back out of the pool and be on my way. But if someone drops me two miles off the coast of Miami and tells me ‘swim to shore or you die’ the ability to swim two miles jumps from a want to a need really quickly. I am not sure I could do a two mile swim in a pool, but I am positive I could do a two mile swim in the ocean.

But regardless of situational or changing needs, every person will have a few needs that are constant throughout your lifetime. Those are your foundation. For me, it is living an admirable life. As cheesy as it may sound, at the end of the day I am a kid with a chip on my shoulder trying to prove to everyone that I belong in the room. It is my intrinsic motivation that will never leave me. When I feel like I am not doing well in life (whether I am making bad choices or suffering setbacks beyond my control), I am uncomfortable. I don’t sleep well. I am irritable, and I experience stress much more acutely. That is because living admirably is a need of mine. I want to lose five pounds. I need to live admirably.

I advise you to do some digging into what your needs truly are. Once you have figured out what your foundation is, it is much easier to keep focused and ignore the wants. Do I need a corner office to live admirably? No. Is it nice to have? Absolutely.

Figure out your foundational need, and let it be your North Star. Other needs will come in and out throughout your life, but your North Star will never change.

Armed with the knowledge of what is absolutely necessary for you, you can start working diligently towards the things that you want, and that is the path to a happy and fulfilling life.